by Ava Rubin
Thanks to the freshwater filters , it seems that all I am doing is drinking water. A 32-ounce bottle seems to shadow my every move. From breakfast, to school, to the car, and even right next to my bed while I’m sleeping. This water addiction can only lead to one big issue: where is the best place to use the bathroom?
At school, the combination of this overhydration and anxiety from tests, quizzes, and trying to awkwardly ask teachers about how their summers were, it seems impossible to find the right time or place to go to the bathroom.
I’m here to help. After having spent over three years using the bathrooms on campus, I have come to formulate a well thought out conclusion about which toilet is the best.
Let’s start with inexcusably horrid bathrooms: main building, 2nd floor. These bathrooms get many visitors due to its convenient location, as well as questionable, pungent aromas from the cafeteria. The nice touch of a window that gives a glimpse into the outside world does not make up for the excess and unpleasant noise from the nearby stairwell. Avoid this location at all costs.
Next up, the much better main building bathroom on the first floor. Perhaps the decreased fear of falling through the floor, or maybe better access from more stressful and therefore more pee-inducing classes, this bathroom has something special to offer. This bathroom is ideal for mid-class moments, or in between periods. Some of my favorite encounters with peers have occurred in this bathroom, or on the walk to and from here. Since classes occur for similar grades on similar floors, there is a good chance you will run into a friend which is always a plus. Consider this bathroom for short and non-intrusive brain breaks, and as an opportunity to release everything from emotions, to, well, urine.
Don’t even get me started on the bathrooms out next to the turf. Despite their debatable functionality for sports games and outdoor gym days, this bathroom has limited purposes and an unpleasant aroma of sweat. I recommend planning ahead before heading out to this toilet – boarderlining on outhouse – location.
My personal favorite is all of the science wing bathrooms. There tends to be a preference for the first floor of the science wing since the middle schoolers are too scared to miss class and are therefore never in the bathroom. Even on the rare occasion that they are, your high school seniority gives you authority over the septics. Although you may still be fearing the insufferable tests for biology or the booming voices of teachers, these bathrooms are consistently vacant. The science wing can only hold so many classes on each floor, which makes these bathrooms ideal. Make sure to appreciate your years with time you have on the second floor, since the third floor requires additional staircase adventuring. The high-tech features in this bathroom include but are not limited to movement-detecting lights and readily available hot water. These help set this bathroom apart from your average campus loo.
Finally, the queen of all bathrooms are undoubtedly the theater/campus gym bathrooms. Accompanied by a crisp water producing filter right outside, shimmering school trophies, and the proceeding joy of going to the temperature-regulated gym or theater, this bathroom is simply the best. If you have a free period and want some alone time, I advise this slight trek as it gives you time to reflect on the amazing choice you have made. Seize every-other day on your stroll to gym class by making the most of this iconic IHS destination.
All of these bathrooms are graciously maintained by the superb janitorial staff of the Irvington school district. Their knowledge of cleaning chemicals and toilet paper installments are what makes this school feel like your own home toilet in times of stress. The feeling of a fresh bathroom, being the first one to turn on the sink, or maybe just a perfect dollop of soap, are all a result of the fantastic work of this group of potential bathroom activists like myself. Their efforts have led me to have exceedingly high expectations for all future bathrooms.
